Endings...Suck.

I was supposed to be done with the second revision of Picture Perfect yesterday, but I was busy one day, emotional the next, busy again, busy, busy...

Actually, I'm just afraid of endings. I totally could have fit it into my week. So. Deep breath.

I'm going to suck it up and barrel through the end. If it's cheesy or unrealistic, or if the whole town is hit with a  supernatural plague that didn't exist in the whole story, it_doesn't_matter. I can fix it, throw it against a wall to test whether or not it's done enough to stick, and chew on it to see how it tastes.

To get there, though, I just have to do it. Ending's are freakin' scary, but not as scary as my wonderful supporters who I hope support me enough to at least remind me I won't ever be a writer unless I write endings.

And now, my favorite (actually, the only one I like) quote about endings:

Endings are hard. Any chapped-a** monkey with a keyboard can poop out a beginning. But endings are impossible. You try to tie up every loose end, but you never can. The fans are always going to b%@#&. There's always going to be holes, and since it's the ending, it's all supposed add up to something. I'm telling you--they're a raging pain in the a**.
~Chuck Shirley, Supernatural (Eric Kripke's goodbye speech)

A Million and Two

You know  what helps give me drive to finish this book and work really really hard on it so one day I can find an agent and get published and hopefully touch someone's life with Adira's story?

The fact that I have people who believe in me.

And for every scoffer and naysayer, there's somone who does believe in me.

To my loved one's who do, a million and two thank yous.

Also, a long time ago I promised a picture of my writing board! Here it is.

Those little stars on the side? That's my progress meter! Each star has five lines that represent a thousand words, which, if you're at least nine years of age, you know means each star is worth five thousand. I started this meter at 30,000 words, and my goal is 80,000. I have seven thousand words to go before this revision is DONE. Yes. Done. This calls for celebration.

Knock Knock! Who's There?

I'm not entirely sure why, recently, I've used bad jokes as my titles...

I have a little piece of excitement to share with you. I was writing the other day, and Adira opened a door. Both she and I had an idea of who would be on the other side when she opened it...but it was someone else. And it turned the situation from sunshine to hide-in-your-basement-or-in-the-bathtub-if-you-don't-have-a-basement kind of storm. It was scary. And I was just as surprised as Adira!

Sometimes I feel like I'm reading the book instead of writing it. Those are the moments that thrill me and give me that little push I need after all the time I've put into the novel. There are times I don't feel like writing, but those moments bring all the excitement back that I had in the beginning. I hope my readers will enjoy those parts of the book just as much.

I leave all good surprises out of these blog posts because I have to save the good stuff for when it's all finished and in your hands. One day you'll see.  

Happy

I'm sitting at my desk, with the sun shining in all it's orangeness through my window, Lemon Lift Bigelow tea next to me (not my favorite, but what I have in the cupboard), and my writing tie is on. Oh, and I'm in my pajamjams.

I'm about to write, and it feels a bit like I'm in a Disney movie. Like I might just burst into a song that's brewing in my chest, ready to burst out and dance in the air before my keyboard.

Why? Well, the sunshine and tea help a lot, but I think the real reason is because I took a look at where I last left off--and unfortunately, it's where I was in my latest blog post--and decided not to care about cheesiness for now. If need be, I'll clean it up later.

This is a moment for Adira. A real God moment. I've had plenty of those, so I know what it feels like--the completely wonderful smile-like-a-dork-and-tell-all-your-friends-after-either-crying-or-jumping-around-the-room-making-high-pitched-squeaks-of-joy feeling. Those are the best moments. So, I'm taking those, and weaving them into the story the best I can.

No over-thinking, just writing from my heart.

Too Much Cheese Can Block You Up

And no one wants that.

Likewise, no one wants to read something super cheesy because...well, it's lame.

My aim in Picture Perfect is to tell it how it is. I want every bit of the story to feel real to my readers. Thing is, I also want to include God in the story because He's a huge part of my life and part of the story I want to tell.

I'm not saying God is cheesy--because He's not at all. But...if you haven't noticed, a ton of Christian stuff is super cheesy. T-shirts. Movies. Books. Bumper stickers. Websites. While I appreciate the meaning behind all of it, I do wish it didn't trigger my gag reflex. (Is that harsh? I mean, Christians have gag reflexes, too.)

One of my favorite authors and inspirations, Melody Carlson, does a bang-up job of writing Christian YA fiction. If you haven't read her, and you like the sound of my book, you should definitely give her a try. I love everything she writes.

The Bible is another example of non-cheesiness. It's not all rainbows and sunshine, after all.

Even having read Melody Carlson and the Bible, it's hard to write God parts of the story. I want my book to appeal to Christians as well as non-Christians. It's easy to write the real-life stuff, but not so easy to not write cheesy Christian stuff.

I find myself stuck on a God-part as I write tonight, so I thought I'd share this with you. Here's what I have at the moment:

[Note added 3/4/14. Excerpt has been removed.]

This is leading up to a huge God-moment for Adira, and I want it to feel huge to the reader. The God moments also need to be real, so I'll tell that exactly how it is, too.

Now, I might crawl into my toasty bed and think back on all the sweet--none of them cheesy--things God has done with me. I'll imagine how He'd be with me if I were in Adira's situation. Maybe I need to stop thinking about cheese, and if need be, clean it up later. Or add some fiber... What's the literary equivalent of fiber?

Film, negatives, spools, and darkrooms. Oh my!

Adira is, as I said in the first blog post, an aspiring photographer. Naturally, she knows a lot about the art.

I do not.

During editing, I've come across a lot of this:

I stepped into the darkroom and turned on the safety light. I felt the pressure and adrenaline that always comes with developing a perfect role of film. [INSERT STUFF ABOUT DARKROOMS AND DEVELOPING FILM]

I've known, since I chose this hobby and aspiration for Adira, that, at some point, I'd have to learn about photography. So that's what I'm doing! Via YouTube. How-to videos are just the best.

After a couple videos. I'm going to test out my new knowledge and try to make it seem like Adira actually knows what she doing. And you get to see it first. (Oh, dear.) 

I stepped into the darkroom and turned on the safety light. I felt the pressure and adrenaline that always comes with developing a perfect role of film. From just under the table, I pulled out the three water jugs I needed. The smell of Rodinal tickled my nose pleasantly, like walking into a house that smells of freshly baked cookies.
With the chemicals ready on the counter, I wound my camera and took out the film I'd used at the park. Careful not to crinkle the film, I held my breath and wound it onto the 120 film spool, holding the edges lightly between my forefinger and thumb.
Wound. I let my breath out and felt the flawless work I'd done. I hoped these pictures would be the ones I'd send in. I was out of ideas.

There you have it! I hope it sounds natural.

Your researching blogger,
Jessie

We're Not Dead

Neither I, nor the novel, is dead.

I just wanted to let my readers know this because after I said I'd be making new posts every Monday, I stopped posting. Tsk tsk on me.

I'm so very sorry.

Reasons:
-Slacking. (I'm done with this one and will get back to work now.)
-My computer has the blue screen of death, and it's quite annoying when it randomly blue screens and I have to shut it down. This hasn't gotten fixed yet, but my computer and I are learning to work together on this...somehow.

You may be wondering how the novel is going. I'm currently editing, which is tricky business since it's easy to skip over my own mistakes. I figured since I've been slacking, it would be a good idea to read over what I already have before I write any further, so I can get back into the story. And while I'm reading over it, I may as well edit.

Special thanks goes out to those of you who have asked me how it's going in person. You're a huge part of the reason I realized I should stop slacking.